[identity profile] malakhai.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] toilanddrouble
Title: Burn Up Your Dead
Author: [livejournal.com profile] mallorn_gamgee
Word Count: 200
Characters: Pippin, Denethor, Faramir, Beregond and Gandalf
Rating: G
Author's Note: Written for the "Monty Python" challenge at [livejournal.com profile] toilanddrouble. Because every time I see that scene I think of this Python scene.

Faramir’s limp body was laid on the courtyard, where Pippin and Denethor rushed to his side.

Denethor cried,“My son…is dead! The last of the Stewards of Gondor.”

Pippin peered intently at Faramir. “He’s not dead.”

“Well he will be soon. He’s very ill. Bring wood and oil!”

Soldiers carried Faramir to the halls of Gondor.

“Lay him out on the pyre,” commanded the Steward.

“I don’t want to go on the pyre!” Faramir faintly protested.

“Oh, don’t be such a baby.”

“I feel fine. I’m getting better,” Faramir whispered, fluttering his eyelids.

“No, you aren’t. You’ll be pushing up the Simbelmyne soon enough,” Denethor said, pouring oil over them both.

“I feel fine, I feel like going for a walk. It’s only a flesh wound!”

“You’re fooling yourself. The family line ends here,” Denethor said, before asking Beregond, “Do you think I should keep the fur coat on? Or is that a bit too-too?”

“The wet look works for you,” the soldier observed.

Gandalf stormed in on Shadowfax, bellowing, “Belay this madness!”

Denethor stood in the center of the pyre with a lit match. “Can’t you just give us a few minutes then?”

Gandalf struck Denethor with his staff.


Date: 2006-06-19 03:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cara-chapel.livejournal.com
ROFLMAO! I love it. :D

Date: 2006-06-19 04:03 am (UTC)
ext_38381: (fingers)
From: [identity profile] melandry.livejournal.com
“I don’t want to go on the pyre!”

I can just see this scene. Very very funny.

Date: 2006-06-19 04:25 am (UTC)
sophinisba: Gwen looking sexy from Merlin season 2 promo pics (Default)
From: [personal profile] sophinisba
Oh, that is great. I hadn't ever thought of that but of course I will every time I watch RotK from now on. Very funny.

Date: 2006-06-19 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xylohypha.livejournal.com
"I'm getting better."

*wheezes* Oh, my sides.

Date: 2006-06-19 05:01 am (UTC)

Date: 2006-06-19 05:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gardnerhill.livejournal.com
Faramir, feebly: I feel happy...I feel happy...

Date: 2006-06-19 05:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] semyaza.livejournal.com
ROFLMAO. This is great and you know, it's scary how well LotR and Python go together. Or perhaps it's inevitable.

Date: 2006-06-19 07:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] annwyn55.livejournal.com
I'm getting better

LMAO! Damn - I've got to watch Python again. And RotK. :D

Date: 2006-06-19 08:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elycia.livejournal.com
I actually heard people quoting Monty Python at this point when I saw RoTK in the theater. Nice to know I wasn't the only hopeless geek there. For my part, I love Faramir's "fluttering eyelids." What a girl! ;-)

Date: 2006-06-19 12:30 pm (UTC)
ext_28802: (Default)
From: [identity profile] belleferret.livejournal.com

I can't possibly pick a favorite line to quote back at you, they are all perfect!

Date: 2006-06-19 02:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mariole.livejournal.com
Ow, ow, I actually hurt. This is brilliant. Love it.

Date: 2006-06-21 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] capra-maritimus.livejournal.com

My nipples explode with delight!! :D

Lovely job. :D

Would you mind if I linked to this from my archive Ministry of Silly Fic?

Date: 2006-06-21 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] capra-maritimus.livejournal.com

Python really is good for all occasions! LOL

Date: 2006-06-27 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] surgicalsteel.livejournal.com
*falls off chair laughing*

Date: 2006-06-27 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] myladylyssa.livejournal.com
Great job! Hee hee!!
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