[identity profile] gardnerhill.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] toilanddrouble
Title: THE DEAD PARAGON SKETCH
Author: gardnerhill
Word Count: 200
Pairing: None, really. Unless you want the real reason for that anger.
Rating: PG (some bad words British-style)
Author's Note: For the "Monty Python" challenge on toilanddrouble.




Aragorn strode into the Great Hall of Minas Tirith, smoking with anger. "Hello! I wish to complain about this Man you sent to Rivendell!"

Denethor beamed. "Oh yes, Boromir! Very popular, good with a sword! What's wrong with him?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with him, mate." Aragorn dropped the arrow-riddled corpse before the Steward's Seat. "He's dead, that's what's wrong with him."

Denethor stared. "Nah, he's stunned. Gondorian Stewards stun easily. Lovely armour."

"The armour don't enter into it! He's bleeding demised!"

"Nah, he's pining for the White Tower."

"He's full of Orc arrows!"

"Well, Gondorian Stewards prefer being full of Orc arrows!"

Aragorn shouted, "Listen, mate! This Man is no more. He is deceased! He has ceased to be! If we hadn't popped him into a boat and sent him down river, he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's sailed into the West, taken the Gift of Iluvatar and now lies in Mandos' Halls of Bleeding Waiting! This! Is an Ex-Steward!"

Silence. "Right, then, I'd best get you another one shall I?" Denethor beckoned to Faramir.

Arargorn rolled his eyes. "You have to set people on fire and throw them off cliffs to get anything done around here."

Date: 2006-06-18 11:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mordelhin.livejournal.com
Hahahaha! Oh, that's just excellent.

Date: 2006-06-19 12:31 am (UTC)
ext_38381: (*guh*)
From: [identity profile] melandry.livejournal.com
Win! Yet more incredible hilarity and excellence.

Date: 2006-06-19 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] notabluemaia.livejournal.com
What it takes to get things done! Great - thanks!

Date: 2006-06-19 01:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-lbilover.livejournal.com
Simply perfect!! I just about died myself when I read this:
He's sailed into the West, taken the Gift of Iluvatar and now lies in Mandos' Halls of Bleeding Waiting! This! Is an Ex-Steward!"

Date: 2006-06-19 02:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] citrine2.livejournal.com
Oh man. Seriously, I am crying here. This prompt was a stroke of genius. He's bleeding demised! Ow ow ow, medic!

Date: 2006-06-19 05:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] citrine2.livejournal.com
Make that "with laughter". *Headslap*

Note to self: Less internet, more sleep.

Date: 2006-06-19 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malakhai.livejournal.com
BWAHAHAH!!!

That's perfect!

Date: 2006-06-19 04:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aussiepeach.livejournal.com
Yay, my fave scene!

Date: 2006-06-19 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xylohypha.livejournal.com
...fire, cliffs...*snrk*

Good thing you can be giggling so hard your eyes tear up and still type, eh? Thanks for the aching sides!

Date: 2006-06-19 06:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] semyaza.livejournal.com
Michael Palin ought to have been cast as Denethor and I will never be able to think of Denethor again without seeing Palin. Bother.

I'm with Lbilover on the Halls of Bleeding Waiting. :D

Date: 2006-06-19 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] semyaza.livejournal.com
I'd prefer Eric Idle as Legolas. I can see him in the blond wig. :D Terry Gilliam would be Wormtongue, of course.

Date: 2006-06-19 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] myladylyssa.livejournal.com
Of course!

Date: 2006-06-19 02:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mariole.livejournal.com
*wipes tear* Oh, that was brilliant. "Lovely armour." I will be snickering for days.

Date: 2006-06-19 04:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] myladylyssa.livejournal.com
OMG, this is too funny. *snickers, chokes on laughter* Just brilliant. I am forever tainted now.

Date: 2006-06-21 05:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] capra-maritimus.livejournal.com
LOL!!!

Now I'm hearing parts of 'bring out your dead' and 'the black knight' in this, too. LOL

Would you mind if I linked to this from my MP archive?

http://www.geocities.com/master_fishgoat/fiction.html
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