[identity profile] kelllie.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] toilanddrouble
Title: And now for something completely different...
Author: Kelllie
Word count: 200
Rating: G...? Perhaps PG for those who are sensitive to cannibalism, or have dirty minds.
Author's Note: Oh dear. Strange things happen when I stay up this late. My apologies to the brilliant ones who wrote the 'Lifeboat' sketch. I couldn't resist twisting it to my own purposes.

And now for something completely different…

The Hobbits and Strider inch toward Rivendell…

Sam, how long is it?

Sam: That's a rather personal question, sir.

Merry: Git. I meant how long since Weathertop?

Sam: 17 days. Mr. Frodo can't hold out much longer.

Pippin: Neither can we. We haven’t a proper meal for days…

Frodo: (weakly) Listen... I'll never… get through, but...you might. You'd better… eat me…

Sam: Eat you, sir?

Frodo: Yes. Eat me.

Pippin: Iiuuhh! With a gamey shoulder?

Frodo: There's… still plenty of… good meat left…

Pippin: I'd rather eat Sam!

Strider: Me too.

Sam: Well, that's settled then...

Merry: But...

Frodo: What?

Merry: No, go ahead, please…

Frodo: Merry… you're starving…

Merry: Well… Sam’s not kosher.

Pippin: That depends on how we kill him.

Merry: True. But I prefer leaner meat… like Strider.

Sam: I wish you'd all stop bickering and eat me.

Frodo: Those who… want can… eat Sam. We’ll make… stock from me… and have… Strider… cold for supper.

Merry: Good thinking. Waitress! (waitress enters) We've decided. We're going to have leg of Strider, and…

Strider: This is the silliest sketch I've ever been in. (he exits)

Frodo: Yes. He’s right.

Merry, Sam and Pippin: Right. (they all exit)
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